?

Log in

Circumcision

Sep. 20th, 2006 | 05:05 pm
mood: excitedexcited
music: the dishwasher still

Racing its never going to stop. running wont help
Crying from repressed words, they lead to nothing but distruction.

A complex irony caught in the web of pain, waiting to be davoured by your sweet viciousness.

I dont want to hurt but i hate you. I dont want to feel anymore, Just let me be.

Full throttle im standing here beside you. you fcking smile. i fcking cry.
Something side of you screams, but why.. oh i think you know. and you do.

These bars inclose me, creating a claustrophobic invisible shield of love. imagined tastefully.
Craving freedom but locked at the knees, its enough to need to smile back. See?

Suppress me, feel this in your arms. Carress me.
Stay the night to keep me warm.... you show me a love so strange .. Kiss me.
I never want this love to change.

Show me what it is to describe you. show me happiness that I'm alive. Tie me up, knock me down, knots are what we are.

Link | Leave a comment | Share

Surprised I still have a livejournal account.

Sep. 20th, 2006 | 05:03 pm
mood: calmcalm
music: the dishwasher.

anyways


news.

exciting news...


nothing. oh. alberta is beautiful. ty.

lol...

poetry? yes.

Link | Leave a comment | Share

Sigh

Feb. 12th, 2006 | 03:20 am
mood: cranky Hrmmph
music: Alexis On fire - 44 Calibur Love Letter

Guh. psycho analyzing comes with its good and bad attributes. On one side you have a rage of emotions building up and growing inside you with every hesistating moment.. and of course, writing would be the release. But on the other hand, the bad side is speaking or writing about it.. is capable of causing harm.
So where are you left? Not everyone's going to be there as a counsellor, or understand and listen with an actual care as to who you are. Let alone respond and have anything to say back thats appropriate. You dont always get to hear what you want.
So, where do you turn? to yourself? This circle of BS is entraping me. Trust in all but certain things, paranoia and frustration... I almost cried earlier.
There's so many amazing and interesting things and people in this world, and i want to embrace it all. love it, care for it, and be loved by it.
Which leads me to believe my outrages are now and always have been closed in space. Tied down with sharp spikes on the cold metal wire wrapped around every bend and crevis in my body.
Unable to move freely, due to the paranoia... unable to breath, due to the frustration.
Am i just afraid of whats to come? No knowledge of anything? Or am I just too broken and lack the love that should be in my life.
Everyday I wake up.. around 5 pm. Sunset now because it's winter. I dont like life... but i love it.
So i stay in.. phobic to whats out there.. Out of the corner of my eye i notice the sun shining through the window as i sip on my coffee, clear "blue" skies with traces of clouds... then i get that gut wrenching feeling that Im missing a part of it.. Im out of the loop.. its where i belong.
But then I fight inside that i cant.. and my depression seems to be growing worse over time progresses.. which is why i cant.. the longer im disattached and feel empty, the harder it is to deal with life.
They say grieving heals over a period of time .. but sure, if you've lost someone from them passing away.
Try losing someone and knowing where they are, knowing you're not there. Not able to be touched by physical touch, or emotional love.. Its very difficult to deal with.
It doesnt go away from time passing for me.. it continues to burden me.
Someone once wished and prayed that someday i would feel loved by everyone in my life. because apparently thats what they chose for me to be the problem in my life sometimes.. I agree.
But how?
....
GUH.
Life goes on.
I should learn to deal with it.

Link | Leave a comment {1} | Share

Release

Feb. 12th, 2006 | 03:09 am
mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
music: jack off jill - when i am queen

The human brain witholds many different creative and imaginative forms of stress, happy.. whatever.. realease. From addictions to Religious beliefs, we honestly search for ways to make our lives THAT much easier.. no matter how hard we try to deny that factor.
I, myself, turn to writing. Its one of the most artistic ways of expressing emotions.
It's there when you feel nobody is...
Reasonable and comprimising writing is one of the best sources of replenishing your repressed and complex feelings that you just couldn't discribe or find the words for out loud.
Especially if you're like me, and are most of the time, a clutz, misunderstood and uncommunicatable.

Link | Leave a comment | Share

Where are you now?

Sep. 21st, 2005 | 02:49 am
mood: disappointeddisappointed
music: Jack off Jill - Angels f*** and devils kiss

time runs slower
the mood sets in...

...chained by your invisable life
where are you now?

how much longer can i take it...
why am i still awake?

how much pain can you put me through
before i start to wake..

one last kiss before you leave ....
...unless thats too much

what have you shown me....
other then yourself..

someone once said pain is a breeding ground for hate...
i believe it so.

it only makes me wonder..
how much more i will take.

so where are you now?
what else is possibly there?

your actions darling...
show me how much you really do care.


<Image hosted by Photobucket.com>>/center>

- V

Link | Leave a comment | Share

Forsaken

Sep. 18th, 2005 | 08:41 pm
mood: okayokay
music: Three days grace

Its a cloudy day, but the sun still shines through

The colour of my clouds are white. symbolizing door knobs

While asking me to open one of them, I close my eyes. breathe, follow my heart and choose As the sunshine moves my body in a way to be energized.

I wonder how you are feeling as though I am poetic today.

Soon you'll see the progression I've made

Its a cloudy day, but the sun still shines through

The colour of my clouds are white. symbolizing door knobs

While asking me to open one of them, I close my eyes. breathe, follow my heart and choose As the sunshine moves my body in a way to be energized.

I wonder how you are feeling as though I am poetic today.

Soon you'll see the progression I've made

Uplifting your thoughts from what I've discovered
Bringing you to comfortable statures
Almost perfect to the heart which was not my own.

As you glance over with confusion as to how i do the things i do
It makes feel fulfilled

And I stand there

Frozen from the chills you gave me night after night.

Waist deep in your eyes, I clearly find myself holding onto everything I want,

The heart is enrapturing me

Everytime I see you, you take my breath away

No matter how hard I wanted to, I cannot bring myself or even think of
Hurting him, for it will bring sadness, not only to him,
But to myself as well

My mind is a meditative state surfacing to my skin with sounds of ambience and silent Gloominescent yet bright lights capturing it like my eyes are the lens and my soul is the Camera.

It creates images that i can always turn to, I wish you could see
I wish you were there with me

Link | Leave a comment {1} | Share

as inspiration runs dry.. you come into my life.

Aug. 26th, 2005 | 05:19 pm
mood: indescribableindescribable
music: You and me - lifehouse

my inspiration had ran dry.. but this gift i share with you, i hope captures your eye

I just want to give thanks,
that you love me for loving you
Id have it no other way..
its something nothing could ever undo.

The look in your eyes while you smile into mine,
love is past irrelevent, its something harder to define
I hold you close, as I never let go
you hold me closer, thank you for letting your emotions show

You're there when i wake up, you're there while i sleep,
.. it's scaring me that youre always on my mind
letting go of my fears, worries and paranoias though..
is indefinately an intention this time.

Love is worth it, and even more you
I'm here to shower you in happiness, I'm so glad I finally persued.
Not a doubt runs through my mind that this is it..
I'd have it no other way.. its something nothing could ever undo.

- Virginia Maria xox

Link | Leave a comment | Share

drunk again.

Aug. 13th, 2005 | 04:38 am
mood: drunkdrunk
music: i should seriously put some on..

this is life i call mine..
this is the creation of bliss..

beyond this life there is greater uncertainty...
but for now all you can do is hear my bitch ha ha ha

You wonder why this is, what is, is it the matrix?
let me tell you a thing or two bitch

I phrase to you pride and give you a ride and you just turn around and feed me shit.

so the matrix is wonderous, and the matrix rules ass
but that doesnt mean you cant see me

john cena is hot, hot like a femme bot.
BUT there. i go.. k i wrote this..


when i was drunk heh

Link | Leave a comment | Share

lifelong recommendation

Aug. 6th, 2005 | 10:37 pm
mood: dorkyingenius
music: eve - who's that girl

star wars galaxies. is the best game.. EVER.

if anyone knows any good links to jedi sites and some kick ass sabor fights, please do tell.

that is all.

oh, and i will post the link to the best boba fett rap EVER later.

byeee.

Link | Leave a comment | Share

I hate myself.

Jul. 6th, 2005 | 11:49 pm
mood: lethargiclethargic
music: - silence -

sometimes i feel utterly worthless. I may be worth something to someone. but definately worthless to myself.

i hate what im going to do to myself. and i hate myself for thinking of doing it. but i love myself from preventing it, i just havent gotten to the point of prevention yet. now, do you question what it is i hate myself for persueing?

i hate myself for continuing to live life.

i hate myself for going on, i hate myself for putting myself through such a pain as this... life.

everyday i wake up, and see the sun shining.. i hate myself a little bit more.

that is all.

Link | Leave a comment | Share